new york

wow, i really can't believe it's been this long since i posted! so much has changed. where to begin...

i had planned to postpone moving to new york until after christmas, but brian was quite displeased when i told him. sometime in early october my mom gave me a pep talk about her move to the US and it inspired me to take a chance and i booked my flight that evening.

i arrived in new york on october 13th, not knowing if it would be a long visit or a permanent move. my plane landed around 9:30 pm and the idea of seeing brian immediately after landing made me incredibly nervous. so i begged him to stay home, so i could have some decompression time after the flight. he did and so i took a cab to his apartment.

my cab driver couldn't find the street he lived on, but recognizing some of the businesses he spoke of near his home, i knew i was very close. he ended up dropping me off at the intersection of broadway and myrtle in bushwich, his nearest cross street, and as soon as i stepped out of the cab i was dumbfounded.

i had no idea where i was, which direction was which, where brian's street was situated, and there were some questionable looking people walking and standing around. i asked a woman if she knew where his street was, but she wasn't familiar.

brian and i had spoken on the phone as i rode in the taxi so he knew i was close, and after not hearing back from me for a few minutes he called me. i explained i was lost, and he ran out of his apt and within a few seconds i could see him come around the corner.

to explain the nervousness i felt, is impossible. i was so excited to see him but scared as well. he hugged me tight and whispered not to be scared in my ear. he grabbed my luggage, grabbed my hand, and we walked the block to his apartment.

coming here to be with brian is the best decision i've ever made. being with brian is how i dreamed. he is so loving, kind, funny, generous, SEXY, and adoreable. he is absolute perfection.

for starters, his place wasn't what i expected. his room is tiny. it was clean, cute, and nicely furnished, but he didn't have a bed frame. after a day catching up on snuggling we went to china town in flushing and had jjajang myun and jjangpong korean food. i couldn't get over how much it felt like korea in that part of new york. i mean, i seriously felt like i was in korea. i'm still amazed whenever i go there. so far, i've been there twice! both times, ultimately to buy groceries at H-Mart! yep, one like denver, but probably a third the size.

we went to ikea soon after that and bought a bed frame, duvet, and some smaller storage items so i would have a place to put my things. i've been to ikea 4 times already since moving here! ikea is awesome! but it's pretty exhausting going through that place and having to make so many decisions at once.

for thanksgiving jaimie and alec invited us to martha's vineyard to feast with her family. we took a bus to boston (3 hours) then a driver picked us up and drove us privately to cape cod (1 hour) and from cape cod we took a ferry to the island.

martha's vineyard is a dreamlike place. it's the place of my dreams!!! it's almost exactly how i imagined cape cod. it's beautiful, and i kept telling everyone how jealous i was that they lived there! homes there are incredibly expensive! an average sized house is in the couple million dollar range. i'm sure jaimie's parent's house was atleast $6-9 million in comparison to a realty window i had seen in edgartown. their home was an average size, but the furnishings and finishes were beautiful. i'll explain more later on this!

on thanksgiving morning jaimie, alec, brian, zen and i had breakfast at a small coffee shop in edgartown. it was a ghost town! there were a couple people at the coffee shop but this place was tiny! brian and i shared pancakes, homefries, and he had a side of bacon.

on a side note, brian and i share dishes alot when we go out to eat. a lot of times, we're walking and smell something delicious, and although we're not that hungry, we have to taste it! that's one thing i adore about new york, the tasty smells! mmm....

back to breakfast, the food was great and the hot sauce was from colorado (love!)! actually, i saw a few things from colorado while i was in martha's vineyard. including a waist apron that had a colorado illustrated map on it. we saw it as we were going back to the ferry to leave martha's vineyard.

again, back to breakfast. i was glad we shared because it cured our hunger, but left us ready for all the yummy thanksgiving foods! we walked around edgartown, finally tried on some hunter boots, and then we picked up jaimie's best friend, becca, and went to see the gingerbread houses.

after that we had thanksgiving dinner. there were 20ish people there, and the food was amazing! juiciest turkey ever! and when all the other guests had left, we played a few games of scrabble and headed for bed.

jaimie's parents were incredibly warm and inviting. i had never felt so welcomed into someone's home like this. to say they were great hosts would be an understatement. they treated us like family!

remember how i mentioned how well their home was decorated? well it turns out jaimie's mother was an interior designer, and her father us to work for herman miller. that's how her parent's met. they use to own a showroom in philadelphia back in the day, i think herman miller, but not sure. her dad even offered to call up herman miller here in new york and put a word in for me since he knows the head hanchos over there. which would be amazing since i haven't found a job yet.

the next morning, friday, we explored lambert's cove, which is hands down the most beautiful beach i'd ever seen. this is what you imagine when you daydream of the beaches in new england with light houses along the coast. omg... so beautiful i could feel my eyes watering. in the moment, i remembered telling myself to soak it in. because it was an unforgettable site!

and by noon that day, we were off to the ferry to head back to new york! this time taking a detour through providence via private driver (1.5 hours), then the bus to new york (4 hours).

i have amazing photos of my time there and will treasure that experience for the rest of my life. unforgettable!!!

the ferry to martha's vineyard.

edgartown, the view from the coffee shop thanksgiving morning.

me hiking up to lambert's cove.

jaimie, brian, and alec.

lambert's cove on a chilly november morning.

me collecting sand and shells.

5 days and counting!

this entire week has gone incredibly fast.

i gave my grad presentation on friday at the design center.

i'll be honest and say that i didn't rehearse as far in advance as patrick had recommended, and after my first spontaneous presentation in class, i was worried. petrified is a better word.

i did rehearse alot on wednesday and thursday, and by friday morning i felt pretty confident that i wouldn't forget too much.

so, friday i arrive at the design center around 7am and sit in my car, eventually going in with shanna around 7:30. she seemed nervous, and she's a natrually great speaker, which made me more nervous. i can't believe how scared i was. i had dreaded this day for weeks and as natalie presented, sarah, then katherine, i felt shaky.

i think patrick could smell the fear on me, and the jurors decided they needed a bathroom break so patrick pulled me aside and we had a little pep talk. i won't go into detail about what he said, but it was so touching my could feel my eyes well up, but i was able to diffuse the tears.

as the jurors walked back into the room, my heart was racing. patrick introduced me to the room, and then i walked over to my boards. i thought looking at the jurors would make me nervous, but their smiles and eagerness for me to begin melted the fear away.

i started with my introduction and some how words started flowing out of my mouth, my fingers pointed at images on my boards, and my eyes met with each of the jurors. so far so good and before long, i was finished!

as i concluded my project, an overwhelming feeling of joy swept over me. a few of my classmates complimented my presentation and project, and that meant so much! then the jurors gave me their feedbacks and i was so proud that they really enjoyed my project and had such wonderful things to say.

one juror mentioned she was blown away by my technical and rendering skills, and that felt great! i was afraid that the details i put into my drawings would be lost since they were sitting several feet away from my boards.

when it was over, a few of my classmates helped me get my boards down and said that they were proud that i had done such a good presentation; they knew how nervous i was! hehe

overall, it was an unforgettable experience, and i'm so honored to have gone through it all with my graduating class. i sincerely adore every single one of them! :')

so now, it's week 11. usually at this time, i'd be scrambling around to get finals done, but i suffered through that last week. haha. now i just relax until graduation this coming friday.

i've only invited a handful of my closest friends and family, the most important people in my life. unfortunately, brian won't be making it, but that's ok. i can't wait for us to celebrate together in new york. after all, he has been such an important part of these last 9 months, and i'm not sure i could have done it without his help.

so yay! HOORAY!

:)

in 6 weeks i'll have completed grad, and in 7, i'll be a graduate.

how exciting is this life?

not so exciting?

but i will say, that this next chapter will be the best because it'll be with brian.

i'm not sure if i 100% mean this, but brian sure feels like my whole life now.

i can't imagine a day without him.

:[

in 2 days, brian and i will celebrate our 6 months.

how i wish we could spend it together.

rather, i'll spend it frantically finishing homework for advanced construction then off to class.

-big sigh-

i love brian so much. it's a toxic mixture of his charm, his humour, his geeky-camera-adobe-apple-cookie and tea-ness that make him ever so irresistible in my eyes. WHAT THE HELL? i mean, HOW THE HELL (??!), can one person turn every part of one's body into tingly puddles of mush?

-big big sigh-

i love him.

oh stress!

today was the last day of week 1. when i got home my mom could see the stress in my face. i probably looked completely drained; i was.

i really really don't know how i'm going to balance my life these next 9 weeks :/

go! Go! GO!

i got the ok from ariel. wow. so this is it, last quarter. how scary! how exciting and terrifying at the same time!

what's it going to be like when i wake up and know i'm done?

that what i've been working towards for years and years is checked off the list?

oh my! the things i can crochet in my spare time!

will i build furniture? will i travel? what will new york be like?

will my life be filled with picnics, farmer markets, antique shopping and all the dream like adventures brian and i have only spoke of?

he is my love.

time flies

today...

spain won the world cup.

brian went to a free concert to see the why?.

i'm at my aunts trying to get caught up with my grad project.

listening to alot of great white shark.

wearing a new red dress.

slurping summer's first slurpee (pina colada mm).

my last semester is approaching. i hope ariel gives me the go for grad in september. december is too far away. i need my brian cakes by september, by now!

what i've been up to: grad project

uh-ohs

i noticed i've been putting things off til the very last minute. like taxes. today is the last day. i better get with it. :/

i've set a move date to NYC and it's September 29th. there is alot that i need to accomplish by then, school being at the top of this list. i graduate next semester, how scary, surreal, and exciting!

i seriously SERIOUSLY can't wait to begin this new chapter with my B.

where's my success?

do you ever read great things people are doing and wonder why not me?

why aren't i doing things like that?

why couldn't i have thought of that?

what will it take to get me there?

i've been thinking that way alot lately.

i feel like my creative juice is running low.

burned out? possibly. boredom? mostly.

i've been feeling blue.

my life's ok, but the personal success i crave is not there.

what's with my hair lately? why's it so dark?

oh yeah. i cut poultry out of my diet.

which means i'm down to dairy and seafood.

haven't had beef or pork in 2 years?

that's one thing to be proud about. :/

ugly me

i feel so ugly.

and it seems no matter what anyone says, i feel this way regardless all the time.

every single day.

:(

it's here! it's here!

yay yay yay!

a work in progress.

important dates

01.22.10 - it's official
02.03.10- it's love

love love love me already, baby.

what's going on here?
what's the problem now?
...i can't seem to focus.

tomorrow i will get things done, oh yes i will.

=)

astrud gilberto compilation

once i loved and i gave so much love to this love he was the world to me. once i cried at the thought i was foolish and proud and let him say goodbye. what was i to say? what can you say when a love affair is over? never trust the stars when you're about to fall in love?

then one day from my infinite sadness you came and brought me love again. now i know that no matter what ever befalls i’ll never let you go. i will hold you close, night and day,because love is the saddest thing when it goes away.

from this day on my days are days of sun and roses.
my life's a carnival of song.
from this day on my dear, the door to sorrow closes.
this day when you came along.

though you're far away, I have only to close my eyes and you are back to stay.
i just think of you and the sadness that missing you brings, soon it's gone and this heart of mine sings.

i will wait for you 'till the sun falls from out of the sky, for what else can i do?
i will wait for you, meditating how sweet life will be when you come to me.

what's up?

i woke up early today, ambitious to get a few things done, really just wanting to clean everything. i started in the living room, putting things back where they belong, dusting, vacuuming, eventually making my way into the kitchen.

the problem i have with cleaning the kitchen is that once it's clean it's too tempting to mess up. this is always the case with me. :D

so, i began removing all the clean dishes out of my dishwasher only to find that all my cups had crusty crumbs left in them. i hate that! i decided to wash them all by hand to prevent future disappointment. first time i ever drank coffee and did dishes simultaneously. i decided to just wash everything while i was at it, including the stack of pots and pans that i had been ignoring for several days now. i guess the water felt good on my hands? i enjoyed it none the less.

then i cleaned off my counters, appliances, and get this... i even cleaned the inside of my microwave, the cabinet doors, the inside and outside of my fridge, and and the floors! my mom would be so proud, muahahaha.

i stood there admiring my hard work, with this intense urge to cook something delicious. i found a recipe for homemade alfredo sauce, rode my bike to the market to pick up a few ingredients, and then began my cooking voyage. but in the back of my mind, i didn't want to reverse all the hard work i had done earlier. and so, after two hours of hard work, this was the end result, and it was delicious:

lets see, parmesan crusted chicken (baked), pan seared asparagus with roasted tomatoes, and homemade alfredo sauce. the picture doesn't do the flavour justice. because it was THAT delicious.

but the one thing i'm most proud of is that with the exception of the pan i baked the chicken in, everything else was cooked in one pan. i even boiled the noodles in a pan, lolz, which i wouldn't recommend. all in an attempt to keep my kitchen neat and clean.

and so, at 2pm, i've accomplished everything i wanted to get done. what do i do now??? :D

school woes

school is miserable. too much work, expense, time and stress. why do we do it to ourselves? oh...i remember now.
but what about those of us who don't care about $_$.
i'd rather be sitting at a beach right now, not in front of this screen writing research papers on places and things i've never seen. when this is all over life will be grand.

sleep won't come

i tried so hard. i laid down and listened to music for 3 hours but couldn't fall asleep. every song made me think of him. if i could trade every person in colorado for just one of him, i would without a blink. -blink-

sometimes i look around and wonder if anyone nearby longs for someone far away. i imagine him walking down streets, taking the subway to random destinations, basically passing a countless number of strangers and pedestrians, all of whom i'm so jealous of. those people are so lucky to be near him and don't even know it. kills me! that's all i want. something so basic could make me so happy.

even though i tried to put on a happy face, it really got me down today. i keep in mind that everyday is possibly one day closer to being with him, but it's also one more day that i'm not?

i'm so disappointed i'm thinking so negatively. will this ever be? if so, when?

:(

i need a new camera

my camera is too light picky. my pictures end up fuzzy, dark, or off tone?

korea

tonight i find myself missing korea so much, especially seoul and incheon. reminising all the wonderful times i had there: shopping at namdaemun market, food carts, eating dokbokgee on a stick, the lush scenery, the smell of the ocean, the maeil ladies in their yellow cloaks, fresh baked bread on every street corner, steamed corn at train stations, the ease of public transportation, everything that makes it unique to any other place i've ever been.

korea is heaven.

look at the dokbokgee and taenjang guk! i can smell it!

itaewon, i miss you. i remember walking down this street so many times.

i love you bangbarae!! i would travel thousands of miles to taste you again! :cries:

200 lbs of beauty

my aunt told me to watch this movie, because it was really sweet. it was sweet, but disturbing at the same time.

i'll try not to ruin it, but it's basically about hanna, an overweight singer with a beautiful voice, the secret voice behind amy, a korean pop singer (think milli vanilli). hanna is desperately in love with their record producer, but one day overhears him tell amy that he finds her repulsive because of her weight.

heartbroken, hanna quits singing, attempts suicide, then decides to have head-to-toe plastic surgery. she is in total seclusion for a year, then emerges as a beautiful new person unrecognizable by her friends and family.

knowing that the record company is eagerly seeking a replacement voice for amy, she nervously auditions and reinvents herself as "jenny." amy nor the record producer have any idea jenny is really hanna. and he has no idea that she did this all for him. =( even more devastating when she still feels like she isn't good enough.

i love the song byul, that hanna sings at the audition! the lyrics are so sweet and soooo sad.

i miss it

the relationship dramz...

when i'm in one i try so hard to avoid it, but hearing about a friend's lastnight made me wish i had his kind of issues. at first he was mad, but the conversation shifted to how much he adored her regardless. i wondered if he ever told her these things and if she appreciated what she had. probably not. we often only realize how important all those little things were when they're stripped from us.

if i ever find love, i will remember to treasure the details that make our relationship ours.

in the mood for love

one of the most visually beautiful films i've ever seen. stunning and wonderful in every way. i'm blown away at how great it was; i wasn't expecting to like it so much. go china!

so today, lets see.. spin class, afternoon run with kelsey, and and... that's about it. oh, and i received the best compliment i've probably ever gotten:

her: "i'm so jealous of your face."

me: "um what? this face?! you can have it, want to trade?"

her: "i'll meet you in the operating room."

oh my. as flattered as i was, i was puzzled. how could anyone be jealous of this face? my face? makes me sad just thinking about it. i wish i had an ounce of confidence. it's easy for me to see the beauty in others, but when it comes to myself, i see nothing. =(

him

got back a bit ago from a late night lake run. the moon lit the sky so beautifully, in that dreamlike way when mountains glisten on water.

and yet, all i could think about was him.

it's always him. :sigh:

fancy tiger clothing

i was noticing earlier today that there are some great items available at fancy tiger clothing. a dress in particular really caught my attention. two dresses! i love winter and the fall, but these dresses make me excited for spring! handmade and so beautifully done!

tulle dress

dear creatures, love the hat with it too!

pollis jewlery, love the earrings!

purposeful design

i still haven't decided what i want to go into design wise. i love the intimacy of residential design, designing for an individual client, but i also love the creative outlet that comes with commercial.

i have so many pet peeves when it comes to interior design, especially with the design students at my school. every projects is "modern and high-end" but why? designing with obstacles, financial boundaries, and other limitations seems so much more fun to me. why can't design be more accessible? design within reach, what a great idea, but is it really? still feels like it's catering towards the upper class.

those of us who can appreciate good design, especially when it comes to interiors, understand how positively a well designed space can change your perspective and quality of life. so i can't understand why it's not more available to everyone.

i really hope that i can do something different to maybe change that in some small way. maybe when i have the experience to back this up, i can start a design firm with a different outlook. one that's not so money driven, but people driven. eco-conscious...or how about just conscious?

new finds: before and afters, love these! courtesy of designsponge.

a little paint and reupholstery goes a long way.

this was an abandoned elementary school that was converted into a live/work studio called the 'clafin school studies' by wendy seller. inspiring work!

upcycling is awesome.

welllll...

my mom is super mad at me. she has been for a few days now, since new years eve to be exact. when she doesn't get what she needs from me she throws a fit. i understand why she's mad, but a major part of me just doesn't care. time to cut the umbilical cord, mom.

i made oysters rockefeller for dinner. came out yummy!

i miss b.