sleep won't come

i tried so hard. i laid down and listened to music for 3 hours but couldn't fall asleep. every song made me think of him. if i could trade every person in colorado for just one of him, i would without a blink. -blink-

sometimes i look around and wonder if anyone nearby longs for someone far away. i imagine him walking down streets, taking the subway to random destinations, basically passing a countless number of strangers and pedestrians, all of whom i'm so jealous of. those people are so lucky to be near him and don't even know it. kills me! that's all i want. something so basic could make me so happy.

even though i tried to put on a happy face, it really got me down today. i keep in mind that everyday is possibly one day closer to being with him, but it's also one more day that i'm not?

i'm so disappointed i'm thinking so negatively. will this ever be? if so, when?

:(